Models of My Life By Herbert A. Simon 第一章的翻譯討論

2014年中，我請張華先生幫我看看Models of My Life 的譯稿，他看了第一章，提出一些心得：

無意中發現竟是粗審與細審的分別

圖像翻譯、粗審與細審一例

翻譯的技巧不只一端，除直譯、意譯外，有時還要參考圖像改寫才能達意。翻譯審查也有粗審與細審之分。

The boy was standing not far out on the wooden pier at the resort of Washington Island's West Harbor. Washington Island is the dot off the end of Door County peninsula, 【本句是說明位置的topic sentence，英文習慣置前，】the thumb of Wisconsin that separates Green Bay from Lake Michigan. He had come on the overnight Goodrich Line streamer from Milwaukee, with his father, mother, brother, and his German grandmother. That summer, 1920, he had his fourth birthday. 【本句相當時間副詞，依英文習慣置後】They had landed at South Harbor, for even then West Harbor was too sallow to accommodate the large lake streamers. Now, several days later, he was playing by himself on the small pier. (p. 4,Models of My Life, by Herbert A. Simon)

粗審： 原譯除「通向」一詞不正確外，其餘可通過。

[原譯]這男孩正站在離華盛頓島西港旅遊勝地的木板碼頭不遠的地方。華盛頓島是在通向多爾半島（Door）的頂端附近的小島。威斯康辛的這個像拇指一樣的多爾半島，把密西根湖和綠灣分開。男孩是同父母、哥哥和德國籍的祖母，乘古德里奇汽船的夜間航班，從密爾沃基來的。1920年夏天，他度過了4歲生日。他們在南港靠岸，因為即使在那時，西港也太淺，不能接納大湖的汽船。幾天以後，他就在小碼頭上獨自玩耍了。

細審：依照中文的行文習慣調整句序。

[改譯]男孩正站在華盛頓島旅遊勝地不遠西港的木造碼頭上。多爾郡（Door County）半島像是從威斯康辛州岔開的拇指，伸入密西根湖，拇指內側是綠灣，離拇指頂端不遠的小點，就是華盛頓島【本句是說明位置的結語，依中文習慣移後】。1920年夏天男孩過4歲生日【本句相當時間副詞，依中文習慣提移前】，他和父母、哥哥、德籍祖母一起搭古德里奇汽船的夜間航班，從密爾沃基來到小島。他們在南港上岸，因為西港太淺，即使在當時，大汽船也無法靠岸。這天他一個人在小碼頭上玩耍，已在島上住了幾天。

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器物的翻譯經常會受字面的影響而誤譯，如以下的breakfast roll, dedelion wine

Horse-drawn carts delivered milk, ice, and breakfast rolls 【A breakfast roll typically consists of a bread roll containing one or more fillings such as sausages, bacon, white or black pudding, butter,mushrooms, tomatoes and tomato sauce or brown sauce. In some cases a hash brown or fried egg can be added.】. Joe Rinello, the vegetable man, also came on his daily rounds with his wagon. In summer, his horse, Nellie, wore a straw hat with holes poked through it for her ears. In any season, Nellie was fond of sugar lumps, nuzzling the boy’s palm with her wet nose as she took them. At Christmas, Joe brought a jug of red dandelion wine 【a wine made with dandelionpetals and other ingredients, commonly citrus fruit.】as his gift (those were Prohibition days).

馬車用來運送牛奶、冰和早餐麵包捲。種蔬菜的喬．萊因洛也每天坐著馬車來幹活。夏天，他的馬（內莉）戴著一頂草帽，帽子上有洞，可以使它的耳朵伸出來。無論什麼季節，內莉都喜歡吃糖果，它總是用濕乎乎的鼻子輕擦著男孩的手心，從中取走糖果。到聖誕節，喬會帶來一罐紅蒲公英葡萄酒，作為他的禮物（那是禁酒時期）。

馬拉的車用來運送牛奶、冰塊和夾肉麵包。種菜的喬．萊因洛每天也用馬車送貨。夏天，他給馬戴上草帽，上面有洞讓耳朵伸出來。馬兒內莉無論季節都愛吃糖塊，男孩拿糖給牠吃，牠就用濕乎乎的鼻子輕擦男孩的手心，取走糖塊。喬到聖誕節會帶來一罐紅色的蒲公英果酒（那時期禁酒），作為禮物。

 張華兄，
BREAKFAST ROLL和dandelionWINE 的翻譯都有點問題。
先說後者，你括號內的解釋和字典上的果實酒有點衝突：它是花瓣?和橘類的合成花酒。

BREAKFAST ROLL 可說有點總匯味到，不只是一般的肉---昨天市Bacon節，它不能只叫肉。你指出的問題，說不定得加注。

這些只是匆匆意見，指出食物之難譯： 日本對wine全採音譯。dandelion wine  蒲公英酒 及其它

At Christmas, Joe brought a jug of red dandelion wine 【a wine made withdandelion petals and other ingredients, commonly citrus fruit.】as his gift (those were Prohibition days).

喬到聖誕節會帶來一罐紅色的蒲公英果酒（那時期禁酒），作為禮物。

蒲公英酒

蒲公英花瓣與柑橘類水果等原料製成的酒

Dandelion wine is presented as a metaphor of summer here, bottled for the winter season of illnesses and wheezing. In Douglas' words: "Dandelion wine. The words were summer on the tongue. The wine was summer caught and stoppered."

美國文化中的禁酒很值得研究，禁酒黨Prohibition Party在1869年已成立。

禁酒期連水果酒都禁。

prohibition

[名]
1 [U]((主に米))酒類の製造販売禁止. ⇒TEMPERANCE 1
2 ((しばしばP-))((米))禁酒法時代（1920-33）.
3 [U]禁止，差し止め，禁制；[C]（…の）禁止（法）令((against, on ...)).

張華說：

Prohibition in the United States was a nationwide Constitutional ban on the sale, production, importation, and transportation of alcoholic beverages that remained in place from 1920 to 1933. (Simon 出生於1916)

dandelion wine was allowed during some periods of prohibition due to its medicinal properties. 

My Grampa used to make this (dandelion wine) during the depression (and prohibition).